@work

Todd (Talking for his fish): Shit man, why you gotta be tripping? I was taking a nap
Gary: Is he a black fish?
Me: Why does he have to be black? He just has an urban affected speech pattern.

(few minutes later)
Todd: I feel bad now, I took the fish out of his happy corner.

@work

Todd [7:30 PM]:
booooooooooooob war
5 men enter
1 man leave
(4 die of massive coronaries)

@work

Yezith [6:56 PM]:
here's your phrase for the day...
quieres ser mi novio
ask gary
Douglas [7:01 PM]:
Quieres dormir conmigo?
Gary [7:02 PM]:
No
Douglas [7:02 PM]:
Gracias a dios!
Eugene [7:02 PM]:
No one does, Doug. No one.
Douglas [7:02 PM]:
Todds Mom does

@work

*THUNK*
Me: That didn't sound good.
Dave: It's alright, it's a Mac.

@Work

(Talking about Flogging Molly)
Steve: It's so easy to be Irish, all you have to do is drink.

@home

Ethan: "Pat, have you ever hooked up with someone in a port-a-potty?"
Me: "No"
Ethan: "Clearly you've never been to Preakness."